Deep in a pit or last on a mountain, in Pakistan or Afghanistan, Tajikistan, Uzbekistan or, maybe, sunning on the French Riviera, is a furious Osama bin Laden.
"Infidels!" he screamed to his aide.
"Yes," aforementioned the Aide reassuringly, "that is really what the Great Satan is."Post ads:
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"How daring them!" stammered the moneyman and viewpoint of al-Qaeda.
"What is it this time?" asked the Aide. "Did they gaining control one of our m excessive and inspired deputy leaders? Did they cut the antagonism right of Baghdad?"
"Worse! They ready-made Bush Number 1!" He looked direct at his Aide. "Do you cognize how sorry that is?!"Post ads:
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"I do not understand, Oh Great and Wonderful Courier of Absolute Wisdom."
"Bush!" said bin Laden, noisy out the speech. "He's the most scorned man in America." The Aide well-tried his record-breaking to repress a laugh, but a titter nigh his dried orifice. "Do not sneer at me, you son of a artiodactyl driver," aforesaid bin Laden who revolved his computing machine projection screen to his Aide. "There!" he commanded. "Seek cognitive content finished your own sentiment." And there, past the Aide was the up-to-the-minute AP-AOL enquiry. One-fourth of all Americans declared that George W. Bush is the Biggest Villain of 2006. Osama bin Laden was far behind, next to solitary 8 percent of the voting. "Four nowadays worsened than me!" same bin Laden, well-nigh disorder on his words.
"But, Oh Mighty Force For Dissolving the Social Order, you have launched wars. You have brought give or take a few horror. You have forgotten human rights and shredded the scripted laws of more than two centuries. You unsocial have given new interpretations to our Holy Book."
"And so has that Sand Flea Upon a Camel's Ass," aforesaid bin Laden, "and he's finished it iv contemporary world greater."
"But you have been competent to do it minus a fourth estate army unit regurgitating your propaganda. You cognise how the media ever inflate someone's meriting." It didn't support.
"I was sometime the best welcome man in the world," said bin Laden. That Dung Beetle on the Droppings from a Bloated Goat put 10,000 of his soldiery into Afghanistan. He aforementioned he'd sift me hair and bring out me until that time his occultist trials." Bin Laden wiped a weensy hole. "But after he denatured his mind, put his own missiles of general eradication into Iraq and forgot astir me. It's as if I don't situation."
"Please do not cry," aforementioned the Aide, "by invasive Iraq, he round-eyed a new arrive wherever you could let go of your terror!"
"Bush! It's always Bush! You don't ruminate I could have absent into Iraq if I wanted to, killed Saddam, and ready-made the global safe for terrorist act minus Bush?! Is that what you think?"
"Never in a thousand years, Almighty Benefactor of the Weak and Poor. I would ne'er rebuke you. Please don't killing me. Saddam unbroken you out, but single because you allowed it. If you required to go to Iraq, you would have absent at hand long-lasting previously the Great Satan invitational our lustrous revolution to do battle, and we would have been the first-year to ravage the 3,000 period way of life of that administrative district."
"Praise Allah! Allah is beside us! Allah Bless al-Qaeda!"
"That's the spirit," aforesaid the Aide. Here's even enhanced word. The American With the Constant Smirk is as well the best praised American."
"Do you proceeds me for a fool!?" thundered bin Laden. "I can read and canvass statistics larger than that Fool of a Mixed Malaprop. Only 13 percentage of Americans say he's the Biggest Hero of 2006. That's with the sole purpose partially of all who say he's the Biggest Villain."
"That shows you how stupid those Americans are," same the Aide. "He creates a war-and that is good-but he girdle losing the battle, like he ever has done, and patch his military personnel are sweating and dying, piece they're intake condensed sand, he's in an cool doroteo arango in Texas and eating barbequed bereft doves, which he just killed."
"He's even advanced than me at slaughter birds of peace," aforementioned a lugubrious bin Laden.
"Mighty one, you have shown your quality to lean the small of sparrows, as Allah has so ordered, piece propulsion a war opposed to the heretics."
"That is real. And I should not forget that those ill-advised Americans not with the sole purpose made their workers, the soldiers of the desert, solely the Number 2 Heroes, they . settled Oprah as the third Biggest Hero!"
"That's the spirit, oh Wise and Noble Warrior. The Americans are nought if not shelvy."
Bin Laden once again looked at his Aide, a facial gesture appear. "Bush may have helped brand the worldwide undamaging for terrorism, but in two years, he will no longer be President, and I will over again find the honor of man the Worst Villain. Prepare for my enthronization."